One girl and one boy is just not enough.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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