:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
