i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
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handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
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i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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