Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize