Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
