who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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