Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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