talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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