I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
