mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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