He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
