You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize
