oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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