Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
