Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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