Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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