let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
