she was so not down for the gang bang
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
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