Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
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