i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
