guys are not supposed to queef...right?
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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