I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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