Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
