1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
