Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
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