Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
