Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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