I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Khloé Kardashian Finally Speaks Out About The Tristan Thompson Cheating Scandal
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
15 Porn Memes You’re Only Allowed To Laugh At If You’re Over 18
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
