so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
