Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
