I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.