i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian