the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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