dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
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