Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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