dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
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