I wanna passion pit in your ass
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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