you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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