I am in a vortex of obligation.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
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Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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