Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
