There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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