Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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