The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
