Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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