i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
