bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
