i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
You're like the curious george of whores
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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