all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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