instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
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I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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