So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
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