Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Ketchup is God's man juice
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
