Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
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Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
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