Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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