I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Four minutes until I can fart!
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
