Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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