What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
