Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Randomize
