I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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