is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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