hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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