Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
