Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
