But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
There's even glitter on my cock...
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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