Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
