She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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