So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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