he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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