I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
