Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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