first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
