tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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